Atonement Read online

  Copyright © 2013 J. H. Cardwell

  All rights reserved.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  ISBN: 1492722863

  ISBN-13: 9781492722861

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  CHAPTER 29

  CHAPTER 30

  CHAPTER 31

  CHAPTER 32

  CHAPTER 33

  CHAPTER 34

  CHAPTER 35

  CHAPTER 36

  CHAPTER 37

  CHAPTER 38

  CHAPTER 39

  ACKNOWLEDGENTS

  August 2010

  e had finally arrived…college! Elle and I were all moved into our dorm, our décor matched us to a ‘T’. We chose turquoise with a black and white theme. Of course we had fun picking out matching comforters, and we even changed our overhead light to a chandelier…I know, we are girls through and through.

  My classes were tightly scheduled. My advisor had me on the course for anesthesiology, so not much room for free time.

  Tate and Finn were all settled in as well, their room a stark contrast from ours. They went for loft beds, so they would have room for two larger refrigerators…boys and their food and ‘beverages’. Their dorm, well, actually a house. The Palmer House to be exact, was a pretty good way from ours. They were in with the other baseball players. They even had a different set of rules for curfews and visitors than we did.

  The campus was unbelievable and the landscaping immaculate. I could already tell I was going to love sitting in the outside commons area, on the grass, reading my books…hopefully, Tate right at my side.

  Elle and I had decided not to pledge for any sorority. We’d be busy enough with classes, and we were perfectly content with it being just the four of us…making new friends would be a bonus, not a requirement. Tate and Finn on the other hand, being in the Palmer House was like being in a Fraternity for the baseball and track teams for Wake Forest. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet. I had heard that it keeps them pretty busy when they’re not in class, playing ball, or training. Time would surely tell. There was already a party planned for this coming weekend. Finn and Tate would have to help out with it.

  Finn and Elle were tightly connected. They were definitely a strong couple. Elle would be good for Finn, to reign him in a bit, since he was a serious partier. He wasn’t the jealous type (like Tate) unless he had too much to drink. When that happened, he became a different person, and would sometimes even fight. Tate and Finn could be a force to be reckoned with in that case…and dangerous, unfortunately. However, the most important thing was they always had each other’s back.

  That went for baseball too. When they played together, the game went oh so smoothly. They knew one another’s thoughts and actions ahead of time. Somehow, the team followed suit. They were the top stars in high school, and I had no doubt they would be here.

  “Reese, can I borrow your royal blue tank top?” asked Elle.

  “Sure,” I said throwing it to her, “we’re probably going to get burned though, sitting out watching them play today. I’m wearing a tank too and lots of sunscreen.”

  It was so exciting watching them play. They would scrimmage for hours. I’m sure Tate and Finn and the team were the ones sweating and getting a sunburn.

  “Are we all going to the Palmer House after the scrimmage?” Elle asked.

  I wasn’t too keen on that idea. I wasn’t one to party much, even if Tate was around. Partying and I didn’t seem to mesh well…at all. Even though I now knew Carter, my previous boyfriend, had been the one to slip me the date rape drug and steal my virginity, I was still leery. That was some time ago now, but I still carried my transparent, pink water bottle anywhere I went if there was a crowd. I did this even if I was only having Diet Dr. Pepper to drink. Those days of Carter were long behind me now…at least those emotions were sealed up and locked away. I lost a little of who I was when I woke up alone and sore that awful morning. I was hurt and confused for so long. Carter’s death was still a mix of emotions. I had loved him, and he had date raped me out of anger and aggression for the way his life was going. Then he left me, to flee from his ‘cheating mother’ to live with his dad in Kansas.

  When he finally came back, a year later, he wanted to pick up where we had left off. I was seeing Tate and falling head over heels in love…finally. Even after we broke up briefly when I found out he was the one that had unfortunately broken up Carter’s parents.

  “Reese, are you okay?” Elle asked.

  I wasn’t sure how long I had zoned out while we were talking.

  “I’m fine” I said, then remembering what she had asked, I said “I know you really want to, and I had promised to loosen up a little, so yeah, let’s go for a little while.”

  The look on her face was like a kid at Christmas. “Yay, it will be fun. It will be good to hang out and meet some of the players…you know the guys that will be stealing most of our guys time away from us.”

  I laughed, but still wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. There’d be drinking after all, and us, guys, and drinking wasn’t a good combination.

  hen they were done for the evening with ball, they came running up to us.

  God, Tate was hot! Especially, sweaty and dirty…made him look more masculine, as if that were hardly possible. His thick, brown hair damp at the ends, his shirt and pants stuck to him. Those gorgeous hazel eyes staring only at me. I couldn’t see his backside right now, but I knew it was round, and perfectly squeezed into his baseball pants. Since he had been lifting weights at Wake, his biceps, chest and back muscles were bulging. This was my man…Tate Justice.

  “Hey you,” he pecked me on the lips and smacked me on the rear. “How’d we look out there?”

  “Mighty fine Mr. Justice” I said pulling him close, as I wacked his butt back. The other players were running to the locker rooms.

  “Hey dude, how’d you hook up so quickly? You’ve only been here a little over a week…and with such a hottie too.” One of the other payers had yelled out to Tate, the guy then turned to me. “Hey good looking, I’m on the team too. Forget about him, I’m the real star.” He said smiling and holding his arms out.

  “Watch yourself Turner.” Tate shouted back. “This is my girl.” Then he kissed me again, longer and harder this time and whispered, “Only mine”. Tate was shaking his head as we were walking out, his hand stuffed in my back pocket.

  “Is something wrong Tate?” I asked. I could tell by his expression that he was battling something in his mind.

  “This is going to be so much harder than I thought,” Tate said looking straight ahead.

  “What? Really, I didn’t think it would be much different than the grueling schedule your dad had you on for baseball last year,” I said. There was a long pause.

  “I don’t mean baseball Reese, I mean you…” he said still not looking at me. I looked
at him with a seriously confused expression, ‘me’, I thought, feeling a little apprehensive.

  “I’m going to kill myself with jealousy. I could hardly concentrate during the game for watching you. There was a group of guys that were talking and pointing at you and Elle. If they had come up to you, I would have left the field, or thrown a baseball to knock some damn sense into them.” Tate ran his hand through his damp hair.

  I guess he should never know the same group of guys had asked for our numbers at the concessions. “Tate, you’re overreacting. Who cares what they think, or what they do? I’m in love with you. I’m not looking for anyone else.” He was looking off, obviously in deep thought. I carefully grabbed his chin and pulled his face back to mine. “I get it, I don’t want girls gawking at you and trying to hook up with you, but they will…you’re gorgeous Tate, not to mention super talented, and so hot in that uniform. If I acted this way over every girl who threw their number at you, I’d be dead with jealousy.” I would, but I had to make myself not think about it. I knew how much girls watched and wanted Tate.

  Tate looked at me with true intensity. “These people don’t know us Reese…they don’t know that you’re mine. They don’t know to leave you alone…that you’re already taken.” Tate was searching for a solution. He was going to drive himself crazy.

  “Tate, you have to trust me okay…you have to know I love you, and you alone.” I leaned my head up against his arm. “But if you’re really unable to control these feelings, maybe you should see a counselor, you know? I could have mine work…”

  Tate cut me off. “Hell no, Reese. I’m not that messed up,” then he cringed “I mean I haven’t had an issue where I need to be counseled.”

  I looked at him sideways and thought, are you freaking kidding me…you had a ‘relationship’ with an older, married woman, you were almost killed by her crazy husband, you watched my ex-boyfriend die, and helped nurse me back to health after I was shot! Not to mention you were almost convicted of murder, and you can’t think about anything but someone looking at me or hitting on me. Then I turned to him and said “you’re right Tate, I’m sure you don’t have a problem you need to see someone about.”

  He looked at me then, his skin red from the truths I must have been recalling in my head about his recent past. I could sense the battle raging in his own head.

  Up ahead of us were Elle and Finn holding hands and laughing about something funny he had said. Why couldn’t that be us? They seemed so uncomplicated, I thought. Would we ever have that, Tate and me? Then a memory of myself and my mom talking before I left home last month, popped in to my head. She had said “Love that is worth fighting for, is never easy…If it becomes too easy, it’s no longer that love.” I’m sure there was great insight to that comment, but it all just sounded like so much work. How were we going to handle Tate’s jealousy? First of all, I would have to try to be more careful about the guys around me…avoid those I could.

  I decided to break the silence. “Are you okay with us coming with you and Finn to the Palmer House?” I was suddenly very worried for how this night was going to go.

  “Of course Reese, you’ll be by my side the entire time. I want to spend the evening with you, are you crazy?” He asked.

  “You know what I’m trying to say Tate, can you handle me being around the team, and other guys?” I asked.

  “Reese, I told you, I’m not crazy. Like I said, you’ll be with me. They’ll know we’re together. It’s when you’re not with me, that they don’t know,” he said with his brow furrowed.

  I couldn’t help but think about all the times we wouldn’t be together…with our crazy schedules, that might be a ton. I could only imagine my past with Carter and with John (the beach god I had met at Beaufort while Tate and I were broken up) had made him more insecure. I can also bet my history of being raped once and almost raped the second time (by Sam, John’s ‘friend’, which was more vivid and brutal), had him worried for my safety. But, this level of jealousy was new for us. I was more than a little concerned.

  “Okay Tate, it will be fun,” I squeezed his hand.

  was hyperaware of any looks I got at ‘the house’. I usually try not to notice, but Tate had me on edge. He either had my hand in his or his arm around my shoulders the entire night. I had one beer, in ‘my cup’ of course, all evening. Tate on the other hand enjoyed at least 3 large Solo cups from the keg. It seems these parties and kegs go hand in hand.

  “Tate, I’m going to the rest room,” I leaned up on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear.

  “Okay,” he said, “take Elle with you.”

  I wasn’t opposed to that idea. I didn’t know hardly anyone here. I grabbed her arm, dragging her away from Finn.

  “Let’s go to the potty,” I joked with her.

  She laughed at me. “Okay sure, the buddy system…right?” and she winked at me.

  “Actually, the Tate system,” I shrugged. “He insisted I take you.”

  “Girl, he has it bad. He won’t let you out of his sight.” She was shaking her head from side to side, her long strawberry blonde hair swaying with each turn.

  “I know, come on,” as I drug her into the bathroom.

  On our way out, we were whispering about our Saturday plans when a couple of guys approached us.

  “Hey ladies, how are we tonight?” the one in front said. Oh great, I thought, ‘how are we?’ how cheesy.

  I just said “hey” and kept on walking. Elle was right behind me.

  One of the guys reached out and grabbed my arm, causing me to lean back. “Hey, wait up, we wanted to introduce ourselves.”

  I glanced from him to my arm and back at him. “Uh, no thanks, we’re in a hurry,” I said over my shoulder. The rest of the guys burst out laughing and cracking on the one who had been trying to talk to us. Elle’s blue eyes got big, and she threw her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

  When we got back to Tate, Elle and I were full on laughing too.

  “What’s so funny?” Tate said smiling at us and pulling me into his embrace. I hadn’t thought about Tate catching us laughing.

  “Nothing, we just blew off a bunch of guys trying to hit on us,” said Elle. “See, we can hold our own.” She said playfully.

  I furrowed my brow at her, my laughter quickly ceasing. I knew better than to make anything to do with me and another guy a joke.

  “What guys?” asked Tate, leaning around to look at me and then at Elle. “Point them out to me.” Oh God, I thought, here we go.

  “No Tate, it’s no big deal. I took care of it,” I said in a stern voice. I was thinking…are you freaking kidding me?

  “Well, maybe I should take care of it,” he said back. He was moving closer toward the direction of the bathroom.

  “Tate, please…I completely ignored them. Guys are going to do that from time to time,” I was pleading with him. He wasn’t interested in backing down, so I said “Look, I’m ready to go. I’m tired anyway.” I had suddenly lost any sense of fun.

  Tate looked at me then, his focus back on us and not ‘those guys’. “I’m sorry Reese. I didn’t mean to get so upset…” He was running his hands through his hair.

  “No really Tate. It’s best if we don’t come to these types of events…let’s go.” I rolled my eyes and started walking toward the door.

  Tate grabbed my hand and pulled me quickly down the hall, so fast I almost stumbled on the way.

  “Tate, where are we going?” I said. He was making me a little nervous with how tight he had my hand. Surely he wasn’t going to try to find those guys again.

  When we got to the end of the hall, he stopped abruptly. Grabbing me in his firm arms, he kissed me, hard. There was no pause from the moment his lips touched my lips, his tongue was immediately caressing mine. His chest was pressed up against mine, his hands on my lower back. He drew back his mouth, quickly finding my neck. He was whispering between each kiss. “Oh. God. Reese. You. Are. Driving. Me. Crazy.” He let out a deep exhale
of a breath. “I can’t get a hold of my feelings. I want you to know how much I love you, how much I need you.”

  ‘This’ felt so good. When we were like this, our electricity was almost deadly. Oh, how I needed him too.

  “Tate, I love you, don’t ever doubt me. I Only. Want. You.” I said between kisses. He was literally taking my breath away.

  Then he hugged me tight, his head in the crook of my neck.

  “Ahhh, I’m sorry Reese. Please don’t be mad at me. If you weren’t so damn fine, I wouldn’t have to worry about all eyes being on you, and guys trying to find a way to spend time with you.” The worry in his eyes was heart-piercing. His gorgeous hazel brown eyes were pleading with me. I guess I had made him insecure over the last year, not meaning to of course. However, circumstances with Carter first then John had to keep him on the defense.

  I had tried to express how devoted I was to him over and over. But he thought that was the core of our problems. So it was my fault that guys looked at me? I didn’t dress like someone asking for trouble. I was fairly conservative. God had given me a long lean build, long honey colored hair, and a voluptuous chest. But, God had also given me Tate. I didn’t want anything I had to be enjoyed by anyone else…just Tate. How did I make him understand this?

  “Let’s get out of here Tate. We could stand some alone time.” I said, giving him one last sweet kiss. As we were leaving, a group of amazingly HOT chicks walked by. As if in unison they said “Hey Tate,” and with a wave and a stripper grin, they kept on walking. He didn’t acknowledge this of course, but it was another reminder of how much girls were hoping to try to grab his attention, and enjoy some of what he had to offer.

  He inhaled sharply. “This will work Reese. You and me at college together…it has to. The other option is…unacceptable.” He was shaking his head.

  he days were slinking by. Classes were tough, but it was so great to have Elle, Tate and Finn with me. Today was one of the first Saturday’s we were going to be able to hang out together. Baseball had really kept our guys busy, but they had a break this weekend. We decided to take a drive up to Hanging Rock State Park. Elle and I packed a picnic basket and two bottles of Starborough, Sauvignon Blanc. We had the plastic wine glasses, and a cozy blanket ready. We also had the iPod, and blue tooth, wireless speakers. The guys had grabbed the tent, sleeping bags, and mosquito spray. I wasn’t much for camping out, but I loved a good adventure…especially if Tate was by my side.